every day
every minute
im not there
is forever lost
every time i worry
i will never return
i wilt, color fades
there is a whole world
it's not so different
it is so different
it's family for me
and for me, that's everything
so there is this whole world
that i am missing
there are people living
and laughing and crying and-
what if i don't get to see my grandmother?
she might be the strongest person I know, and
i can't remember the last thing i said to her
in person, it's different in person
i hate myself for
every moment wasted
even when i was there, i wasn't
i was young, i didn't understand
it was my normal
but i got made fun of
by people who didn't care
to understand
i couldn't have imagined a day
i might not go back
to hug my grandmother
gosh, i worry i will break her
to eat mangos so the juice drips onto my shirt
to see the face babies make
at the first white woman they've seen
to laugh in ways i don't here
there is a whole world
that i can't taste from so far
i try, but it's so far
so far, a million miles
2,221 miles to her house, there
is no connection between
the ocean that is so big
i pray and think and dream of the
land that feels like a fairytale
that i can't touch over here
there are no books
no websites
no mind for a country so small
holding rainforests and creatures you've never seen
holding color that I can't see
not from over here
not from here