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Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Addicts [updated]

tricked into seeing control
over your body,
your past,
your present,
your future

just when you need it so 
desperately, heart aching for relief
it appears
whatever it is, be careful

it will be tempting,
oh, the pain of saying no

it will feel big, as vital as water
by big,
I mean, like everything
it will fix all of your problems
I mean, it won't and
you know that, but it feels that way

once and you're hooked
once and you know,
oh, once you know
you become an escape artist

you'll repeat it
no matter what lies it will take
no matter what it takes
the hole you are digging, 
your own grave, gets deeper

again again and again

drop it?
but how to
refill that hole?
my throat is dry, I need it
like water

that missing piece
is the only reason for all of your problems
not skipping meds, not skipping breakfast
not ignoring responsibilities, not ignoring friends
no, the problem is
whatever is keeping us from it
that is making
our whole world
crumble around us
when we are already
so far underground

looked upon as weak,
we are judged by those who cannot know us
we are more
than our addiction

perhaps a painter or skier 
or mediocre at everything tried

try.

that is all you can do
try and try again

please don't ask me

please don't ask me-
one question
that rips my chest apart,
crumbling the pieces
into a sinkhole,
crushing my heart

perhaps you notice my gait
my slow wander through the halls
my limp, my drag, my shuffle

my scars trace a song
and dance a sad story
along my legs

when I'm sitting,
you might not register
the pain I hide
under the table
behind my happy,
not too happy,
character

if you knew me before,
you'd notice a change.
maybe, if you knew me

people don't see
me the same way
after the words
leave my lips.

old teardrops
and mistakes

please don't ask me
how i've been since --
i said don't say it

it's been a year
and hospital walls still
close in on my dreams,
beeping IVs wake me
but, they aren't there anymore

i wake up,
but can't remember
if I can move.
eventually i do
i always do

it's been a year
and i'd talk about it
but i know
you'll do this thing with
your eyes,
tilt your head, squint a bit
and see me differently

so i have my nightmares
and i sit quietly

but it's been a year
and my answer
has changed

i'd say
i'm doing pretty great

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Be My Valentine?

Roses aren’t always red,
and violets just aren’t blue.

Loves comes in many colors-
don’t forget friendship counts too.

You’re a lovely friend to me,
I love you, boo!

I’m so sick of this rhyme.
Doesn't it make you cringe?

So, I’ll leave it at that.
Happy Valentines Day!

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Alive Art [guest poet]

My brothers are quiet in their rooms
My imagination starts up and zooms
Things drift in my mind, by chance
leaving explosions of colors in a dance
Paper on the downstairs table comes to life,
the paintbrush carving across it like a color-filled knife
My brain is sending messages to my hand
a dream coming true, oh, how grand
The picture is alive, the colors stretching,
my hand never stops the sketching
The world outside is becoming smaller
as my picture comes to life with color
Paintbrush going back into the cup,
I will be a famous artist when I grow up.

A great poet wrote this, to speak in front of an audience, and I am in awe. Flawless truth, and as the poem says, painted across the page. I am honored to be able to feature it as my first poem from a guest poet on this blog. Oh, and by the way, she's only eight-years-old! 

Friday, February 8, 2019

Curiosity

Sometimes, I want to write,
but don’t know where to start.

I can’t explain the crashing seas
in my lungs or the buzzing bees
in my chest; my heart implodes
touching everything I’ve laid eyes on.

It’s crazy, to spell it out,
Believing I can capture
Curiosity.

I want to explore the world-
to crawl along its surface,
to read every alphabet,
to taste every story.

The words are close-
on the tip of my tongue, as they say-
But, I don’t know where to start
to paint the face of the world I see.

How do I describe a child’s big eyes?
What lyric could capture sunlight?
I want to stop birds mid-flight,
to ask them about the view.

I want to stop birds mid-flight
and beg them, “Take me with you.”

Sunday, February 3, 2019

I'd like if you sat next to me.

I want to be
who you think of
in the middle of the day
when you're kind of doing nothing.
You're not a social butterfly, but for me
you said you'd try.

Quite often,
I'll think of you,
preparing what to say,
picking up new jokes along the way-
I want to be the friend
that makes you feel that same way.

I know it's hard-
it's always is-
but it’s always “complicated” and
I'm bored of excuses, so
tell me how it is.

Could I ask?
I’d hold my breath while you answer,
a deep breath and,
"Do you want to be my friend?
Really, really?”
If you don't like me,
you're not all to blame.
Maybe I'm too much or too little.
It’s all part of the game.

I want to be the person
you can't wait to tell your stories to.
You are who I think of
when I'm too tired to talk,
I'd normally dread company.
but, you,
I'd like if you sat next to me.