Heartstrings

because our heartstrings have been tied together 

since the first time we wore friendship bracelets

until our wishes came true,

since you sat next to me

and I sat next to you

soon we were reading books as thick as the lake

we skated on every Saturday

if our whole lives were filmed

those are the hours I'd ask to replay

because our heartstrings have been tied together 

since the Christmas you discovered boys

and I still saw things that made too much noise,

since that day we went flying like two rolled dice

remember that? we "both" slipped on the ice

my house was next to yours

and your house was next to mine

we'd sing our lungs out, you and I,

it was our own battle cry

because our heartstrings have been tied together

since our monsters had no faces

before we met the girls with two,

since monsters lived underneath our beds

and couldn't climb inside our heads

we may bend

but we never break

we may stretch

but we always snap back into place

because our heartstrings have been tied together

since our first real fight, the one I still think about sometimes,

since we both made a wish, that chilly September,

to be in each other's hearts forever

Untitled (Not A Song)

I really was scared.

(the girls would be so pretty and
i'd just be there)

Oh, my friends left me at the altar.
(i wasn't really getting married)
Now, they look at me
so differently.

I'm not who I seem.
(i can't help but ask)
What do you see?

[instrumental]

You have to tell me if
I'm doing it right.
(don't leave me, not yet)

I hate that I still think of
all the things they said to me;
slaps made of insults
that wore the disguise of friendship
sometimes shedding it for disgust
that covered jealousy
year after year,
what makes a friend?

I'm so scared of these things.
(what if you don't like what you see?)

I could end up alone.

Ah, that’s what it always comes down to.
(i’d like to say it’s something more)
but, nothing profound,
to be seen,
just this simple thing.

I can love myself all I want,
but, there is something I cannot give
to myself (to me) companionship is rare.

This turned into a lovesick poem.
(that’s not what it’s meant to be)
In all senses of the word
 "being alone"
is about atrophy.
Without muse, without sound;
blind, in the dark, nowhere to be found;
everything is tasteless with no one to share;
my body is starved for touch; nose to the ground-

for what, I'm not sure,
but it makes me think,
who do I want to be? (Screw fate.)

I will craft a body from ripe avocados and anxiety.
Words spin my soul, a spinning wheel,
I will write as many papers as it takes
to get to my doctorate degree (or whatever it will be)
I am my own goddess and I will create my own work of art.
Starting with nothing, I will end with everything. (Screw fate.)

One day, I won’t be scared.

[dramatic fade out]

Stars Were Made Here

It was summertime
and we were young.
Is that too cliche?

Us crossing paths was really a mistake.
What if we never did?
What if
the universe kept us apart,
for a little bit longer?

We weren’t ready to see the stars
that we made.
What if
it could have all been different?

Crisscross on flannels
(we couldn’t afford anything better)
I lay out our options like a feast -
ready for you to choose me.

We couldn’t make it work
(but, I gave you my all)

We almost didn’t meet -
that day where everything was going wrong,
except seeing you -

but, we did. And we created stars
and stitched them into the clothing
on our backs and wore them
with pride.

What if
the universe had held on
to our distance?
(I swear, not much longer)
Instead of getting thrown into that
hurricane of- gosh, what if,
I hadn't been there,
that day I first saw you?

It all could have been different.
Or not.

I would never go back.
You gave me scars made out of thrift clothes
and stole kisses and vanilla cupcakes from
my pantry. Don't you see?

Girl, you taught me to dream.

Unseen Ripples

No man behind the curtain,
I swear, please, just look at the view
(because her mind is a mess).

She bet on the rebels, dreaming
of change.
The faint lines of glory
might be fading,
but she hasn’t stopped wishing.
Don’t give up yet,
the sun hasn’t set (not yet).

Leaves in the water,
making ripples in time-
a life filled with mountains,
there are so many climbs.
Now, all that is left is the fall.

It all feels so strange,
but you can’t replicate
the time that has passed,
you just have to wait.

You’d do anything, too,
if it was your family.
That’s the funny thing,
you’d do it all over again
at the change to save them.

Leaves in the water,
making ripples in time,
a life filled with mountains
Oh, so many climbs.
All you can do now is fall.

Don't give up now,
the sun hasn’t set.
Wait three hours,
just hang on,
there’s one more hill to climb.
Once you’re there it will all be clear.
I’m supposed to say that
things happen for a reason.
And maybe that’s true.
But, it doesn’t matter in the end,
not to the little guys.
(we feel each punch).

Leaves in the water,
making ripples in time-
a life filled with mountains,
there are so many climbs.
Now, all that is left is the fall.

One breathe can make all the difference,
sadly, we don’t always get to see it.