have you ever tried to describe pain?

Have you ever tried to describe pain?

universal truths hold
dark secrets,
regrets,
and dried tears

Have you ever tried to describe pain?

there are no words and yet
so many
hear my scream down the hall-
sorry to wake you

have you ever been
woken up by something that
drove your mind blank with a
dagger straight through the middle?
that raised your chest to the skies
because of shoulders that wouldn't stay down?

maybe it was night, so late
people have left by then-
no one left to hold your hand because
people need sleep, you know

but dreams are crowded
with worst case scenarios
and monsters without faces
bring uncertainty that makes your
stomach drop or worse
the face of the monster is too recognizable
because it's you

irrational at this point
i'd do anything
i'm begging to a god I don't believe in
because there are no words and yet so many
left for me to say

what is pain?
you feel like you're dying
and when it's really bad,
you might just be close
it is living death

Cosmos Leave No Words

Cosmos leave no words
to paint such a picture.
fauna given wings,
auras cast light on her trauma
- inexpressible -

piece by piece
search every language to explain
wind and love and war and Truth

feelings and you find yourself
spinning in circles or
seeing the world from the top of a ferris wheel or
swearing, ready to quit any minute

How did it change so?
there are things without words
features of life
and the way we die-
we can’t explain

reading and time becomes a slug
walking and the world moves too fast
sitting and suddenly I’m older and
I’m not sure where it counts

How do we know what means anything?
there are things without words
uncertainties and forever untouchables
learn and learn and discover-
it should never be enough

Stars Were Made Here

It was summertime
and we were young.
Is that too cliche?

Us crossing paths was really a mistake.
What if we never did?
What if
the universe kept us apart,
for a little bit longer?

We weren’t ready to see the stars
that we made.
What if
it could have all been different?

Crisscross on flannels
(we couldn’t afford anything better)
I lay out our options like a feast -
ready for you to choose me.

We couldn’t make it work
(but, I gave you my all)

We almost didn’t meet -
that day where everything was going wrong,
except seeing you -

but, we did. And we created stars
and stitched them into the clothing
on our backs and wore them
with pride.

What if
the universe had held on
to our distance?
(I swear, not much longer)
Instead of getting thrown into that
hurricane of- gosh, what if,
I hadn't been there,
that day I first saw you?

It all could have been different.
Or not.

I would never go back.
You gave me scars made out of thrift clothes
and stole kisses and vanilla cupcakes from
my pantry. Don't you see?

Girl, you taught me to dream.

nice things that exist

that crick in your neck when you're looking at books
sometimes violets pop up early
there is always chocolate
it's fun to get letters in the mail

things are going to be ok.

rainbows happen (or you can just draw some)
there are babysitters getting bored of peek-a-boo
drinking really cold water when you just finished exercising
again, chocolate

I know this looks like
nothing more than a list
but, it's a new year and
for some reason
in the middle of
silly traditions
we can get a little
booster of hope.

things are going to be ok.